Zander Drives Cars

In the last 10 or so years, Kia has gone from a disposable, cut-rate, rental car nothing brand, into something meant to rival the Japanese in terms of reliability, style, performance, and other types of hoopla. The 2012 Kia Forte, however, is not that. The Kia Forte is the exact car that Kia is distancing itself from. Like Frankenstein running from his creation, Kia steers away from their pre-2017 automobiles.

It would surprise nobody if I told you that I took a driving lesson in this car. I mean, what else could this car be other than a tool to teach teenagers not to merge into a pickup truck? I guess it could be a rental car or a cheap pizza delivery car, but who buys this car as a personal mode of transport? I shouldn’t rack on the Forte, however. This four-door grey whatever box is the car that allows Kia to make automotive jaw-droppers like the Stinger. As I stated in an earlier article about why crossovers should be celebrated rather than shunned, the Forte exists as a cash grab to fund more exciting projects that people would be invested in. Sure, that’s not to say that there is no purpose to the Forte’s existence, it has its uses. If it didn’t, you would have never seen one before. It is a cheap mode of transportation that offers most of the same amenities as an equivalent Toyota or Chevy at half the price, since the place you bought it from was one of those “Enterprise Car Sales” that prices them so cheap because they’ve done 85k miles in the first year of the car being used.

So, driving impressions. It drives tight. taking a turn in a Forte is like being on a rickety roller coaster on a traveling circus that whips you around from side to side, even when its sub 20 mph speeds, the car turns quickly, despite the tires being about as wide as the minimum wage worker that made the damn car. Pressing the “sport mode” button does exactly what you expect if you expect nothing. I’m sure some computer makes the exhaust slightly louder and maybe firms up the steering even more than it already is, but you would have to daily this thing to tell the difference, and I was only behind the wheel for two hours. There is, however, something to be said for a car that drives like the Forte. In a sea of SUVs and crossovers, it is refreshing to drive something lower to the ground. The car feels more planted than any crossover I’ve driven, and honestly, I’m relieved. Not that the Forte is a life-changing driving experience, but it is nice to try something different every once in a while, like ordering something new at the diner you go to every day.

I am struggling to think of what else to say about this car. Amenities? Yes, it has them. Nothing groundbreaking. A/C, radio, electric windows, automatic headlights, ABS, some airbags, and Bluetooth, maybe. Oh! This car also has an engine. You can either have it with a 2.0L four-cylinder engine or a 2.4L four-cylinder if you want to pay more for it. There was also a manual option if you so desired, but because this is a driving instructor car, it has an auto-box. I know this review seems a bit half-arsed, but what else am I supposed to say about this car? It’s like reviewing a grilled chicken breast. Yes, it is edible and has some form of flavor to it, but it is just a chicken breast. No skin, no rub, no sauce, no side. Just plain, white chicken.