Zander Drives Cars

Never in my life have I seen a vehicle that is going to make a company so much money than the day Cadillac revealed the Escalade iQ. I mean, as a virtue signaling machine, it does its job perfectly, it seems. So, when the opportunity arose to go take a peek at it during the Chicago Auto Show, I couldn’t resist. I have to see FiDi’s next top chauffeur mobile.

The Exterior

This thing is big. It’s 227 inches long, which weirdly is smaller than the Escalade ESV, but the bar is low. This thing is still massive. That being said, I don’t know if I’m sold on the way it looks. I don’t think it’s ugly per se, but proportionally it looks too tall for its width. I’m sure, like in most cases, that a different color would suit it better, but until I see one of these murdered out, my verdict of “eh, not feeling git” stands. Also, lot of Caddy badges on the exterior.

The Interior

I was very kindly told that while I was welcome to take photos of the interior, I couldn’t;t touch anything, so my butt couldn’t feel how voluptuous the leather was. Although having sat in a normal Escalade, I can make the educated assumption that it’s probably very nice. That being said, this cabin is pure class. Swaths of wood, metals, and plenty of interesting design elements make it a solid alternative to your typical German sedan, and the TV screens attached to the back of the front seats give the illusion of Delta One, or United Polaris if you’re weird.

The Screens

So, you know how Honda has the mono-vent? Well, Cadillac has the “mono-screen,” not to be confused with the Hyperscreen. The Hyperscreen is old news, the “mono-screen” (that is not its official name but I like this better) is New York’s hottest club. It curves with the dashboard in an unbroken swoop. This same screen philosophy has been recently applied to a lot of Caddy’s other models too, like the CT4, CT5, and XT4, but it fits the Escalade better. Exhuberence is its M.O.

The screens were turned on conveniently right after I walked away from the iQ, but from seeing them with my own eyes, the infotainment looks straightforward enough, and anybody with any form of experience with General Motors UI is sure to know that it’ll work perfectly fine. Besides, you don’t care. You’re not going to drive this anyway.

The Technology

Well, you know the drill, an electric car plus a $100,000+ price tag equals a lot of stuff. All that you need to know from a passenger perspective is that it has heated and ventilated seats for all four, yes four, seats, USBA/C and 12-volt ports through the cabin, with the ladder being available in the trunk, radar-guided cruise control (oooh), Supercruise (bigger “ooooh”), an AKG Soundsystem, a HUD, lane keep assist with a full BLIS system, a collision mitigation and avoidance system, and staring later this year free OnStar, which is the best thing General Motors has done in years.

The Drive… Not

This thing doesn’t even run, so unless someone is pushing git, I can’t drive it. The Cadillac Escalade iQ is powered by a (weight for it, get it?) 200 kWh battery providing power to all four wheels. Power? 750 hp. Torque? 785 lb-ft. 0-60? God only knows. What we do know, however, is that supposedly, this will do up to 450 miles on a singular charge. If that were true, it would become the highest-range SUV on sale in North America. Oh, remember when I said “weight” for it? Well, Cadillac has yet to give us a number, and when asked, the very nice Cadillac representative simply said “A lot.” So, let’s start the bidding at 10,000 lbs. Yeesh.

In The End…

Cadillac will sell every single Escalade iQ they build. No question, not a doubt in my mind. The market for a six-figure electric SUV made by a brand that wealthy people like is massive. I’m counting down the days until I see one of these parked outside of The Beekman Hotel with Anna Wintour stepping out of it. Tick-tock, General Motors.