Here Are The 5 Least-Best Cars I Drove in 2023

At least they tried… some at least

December 18, 2023

4–6 minutes

So, look, I have a generally positive attitude when it comes to most cars. Even cars I don’t really like still sometimes get the benefit of the doubt from me because, to someone, it might be a better car than it is to me. Does that make sense? I think it does. My logic works sometimes. I just think it’s worth pointing out that just because I said a car was bad or a car was good, doesn’t make it an end-all-be-all situation. Anyway, you guys just want to see me be mean to cars, I get it.

Note: like all lists, I am excluding cars that while I reviewed, I didn’t drive, so no Volkswagen Atlas or Polestar 3.

5. GMC HUMMER EV

The bad: This truck, for all intents and purposes, is not good at being a truck. It is way too big to drive in an urban setting, it is too expensive for the mass consumer market, it has seemingly impressive yet arbitrary features, and costs over $100,000 depending on the dealer you buy it through (spoiler alert, that is all of them). I recognize that this is really just a tech showcase, but unless you’re an NFL player, you don’t need a 10,000 lb truck.

But… The reason why this thing is at #5 and will be put on the honorable mentions list of “the best of the year” (spoiler) is that this truck, as dumb as it is, is sort of fun. There is something to be said about launching a vehicle to 60 in three seconds that weighs the same as a Peterbilt.

4. Mercedes-AMG GLA45

The bad: Certainly not the driving. This “crossover” drives very well. End of topic. What sucks about this car is the fact that, in America, this is the closest thing we get to a proper Mercedes hot hatchback, and while I don’t think that this is a crossover, the fact that it sort of is, is annoying. I mean, a Volkswagen Golf R can do everything this can do for about $20,000 cheaper. This really is one of those cases where Mercedes can just charge you “go toss off” money for a product that a different brand can do better, and that is disappointing.

But… Comparing this to the other big German brands, this is the only car in its class. Audi doesn’t have anything on offer, and the BMW X1 M35i is chump change. So, if you really want this car, you’ll probably like it.

3. GMC Sierra 1500 AT4

The bad: This was a tough one. As a truck with offroad capabilities, it is a solid machine. But, as a family vehicle driven in highly populated areas, this is terrible. I’m 6’2, and if I struggle to climb into a pickup truck, take that as a warning. Most, if any, justification for driving this in a place where the population density is in the double digits won’t work. Use this truck as intended. Also, GM getting rid of CarPlay makes me almost as mad as the “Hey Google” functionality that always turns on when you say a word remotely similar to “Google,” or “Hey.”

But… If you live in Alaska and you need one vehicle to get your family over the hills and through the rivers while having your buttox heated and cooled by the seats you sit in: I have your truck.

2. Toyota Bz4X

The bad: This is a bad start for Toyota. You’d think that the people who pioneered hybrids would come out swinging with a Model Y destroyer, yet this is anything but. The bZ4x is a $50,000 crossover that gets worse range than anything in its class, all while having the addition of a confusing dashboard, and all the get-up-and-go of a middle school substitute teacher. I’m sure in a decade Toyota will have their stuff together, but this is embarrassing.

But… If you live in a city, where range isn’t really an issue, it works fine. There’s enough in Manhattan and Montreal to make my points semi-invalid.

1. Audi SQ5 Sportback

The bad: This is the dullest performance vehicle I’ve ever driven. The SQ5 Sportback is 350hp of nothing. The single biggest problem with this car is that there is no feeling of “soul.” I know that word is only used in Instagram “carguments” (word credit to Jonathan Schley), but there is an absence of “feeling” in this car. It was and is deafening. I’ve never been so bored behind the wheel of anything marketed as “sporty.”And before you say “Wait, didn’t you yell at someone who said that boring cars don’t equal bad cars?” Yes, I did, but when something is marketed as a sporty car, this is a whole new ball game. Honestly, just read my full SQ5 Sportback review here and skip to the drive section for the full rant.

Part deux of my main problems with the SQ5 is that this is a $60,000 premium German vehicle that, as standard, doesn’t have a full digital display, navigation, USB-C ports (they don’t exist even at all WITH options), or any form of park assist. At least it has an inappropriate amount of Alcantara and piano black plastic! I get that all German manufacturers are stingy with what you do and don’t get on expensive cars, I certainly won’t defend the Bavarians and Stuttgartians, but Audi feels like it is taking a page out of big brother Porsche’s book, and that is worrying.

I know what Audi is capable of, they’re a brand that has and can make some phenomenal cars, but this feels like they’ve given up a little bit.

TL;DR: there is nothing behind the eyes, both in terms of equipment and excitement.

But… As far as comfortable, well-built, semi-practical German crossovers go, this is a solid bet. If you want something with mild badge supremacy but are scared of buying a performance car, your chariot awaits.