Zander Drives Cars

I try to be positive and uplifting in my articles. I don’t claim to be a Jeremy Clarkson, but when I have a problem with something in a car, I try to point it out. That being said, sometimes my issues or problems can be mildly swept under the rug in my attempts to be civil and not an a-hole. So, let’s be negative this week and take a look at the bad, instead of the good.

Note that these things listed might not be exclusive to the car mentioned.

5. The Hyperscren – Mercedes EQS

I don’t really know if I qualify the Hyperscreen as “bad,” but it is a bit useless. Look, I recognize that Mercedes engineers need to make cars with unbelievable gimmicks to keep themselves employed, and I know that my opinion means nothing because people will still buy cars with them, but the Hyperscreen is just a bit useless. It doesn’t even have to do with the size of the thing, I have no problem with a big screen. But, there’s just nothing that this feature can accomplish that the standard screen available in EQS (and new E-Class) models can’t. Plus, when the screen is off and the light hits the dashboard, you can see the gaps between the physical screens through the glass. Boo.

4. Alexa Integration – Honda Accord

Coming in at the number 4 spot is the Accord (or really any Hondas) Alexa integration. This falls under the category of useless, but not harmful. I don’t really know why I would need this sort of thing in my car, because it really doesn’t offer a lot of functionality for people who don’t want to have their Amazon info locked into their car. But, if you’re one of those people who have Alexa-wired lights and fridge in your house, this might be of some use, I guess. Still makes the car more expensive than it needs to be, though.

3. Haptic Steering Wheel Controls – Volkswagen GTI (& Arteon)

Look, let me make the tiniest case for them first: most steering wheel buttons, especially those on VW products, are the same across models and brands. So, when I got into the new GTI, I knew where things were without really having to look. However, the feedback from these haptic “buttons” is abysmal. Unlike Mercedes, for example, I felt no sense of feedback unless I looked at a screen to see if the button I hit actually did anything. Do I think a lot of the hate is overblown? Yes. Is it still an annoying thing that VW has seemed to backtrack on? Also, yes.

2. Heated Seat Subscription – BMW iX

I have no way to defend this one. BMWs heated seat subscription is, no matter what BMW says, just a way to squeeze more money out of buyers. It is taking a feature known to be a staple in premium vehicles, and taking it away from you like you’re a child who didn’t eat their vegetables. Now, realistically, this should be #1 on this list. But, and big but, this subscription model is not (yet) available in the United States, so as far as I’m aware, I will have little to no interaction with it. This is good because If I do come into contact with it, I might use BMWs hand gesture feature to tell the car my opinion on the decision.

1. Google Assistant – GMC Sierra AT4

“Another personal assistant? Wait, shouldn’t you have roped this in with the Honda?” Oh you sweet summer child, this is much, much worse. The worst type of assistants are the ones with names that come up in conversation. You rarely say the word “Alexa” in passing, which is why I never had a problem with it in the Accord. But in this GMC, and most GM products, you sometimes in conversation do say the word “Google,” which means the music cuts out, your screen gets filled with the assistant, and you can’t get it to go away unless you yell at it. I. Hate. This. So. Much. Kill it with fire. Why couldn’t this have been the thing General Motors wants to take from us instead of CarPlay?