Zander Drives Cars

I had originally planned for this intro to be about the current “wagon death crisis” being felt around the world and why we should all be sobbing loud enough for the big boys in Munich to hear how sad we are that the Mini Clubman, which has been around for 15 years, is going the way of the dodo. But, what good would I be doing? For a funeral, you’re supposed to celebrate a life, not be distraught over it. As of writing, Mini is still currently producing this car, so it isn’t technically over yet. There’s already enough sadness about this quasi-wagon going out of production, so why don’t we take some time and celebrate Mini’s weirdest car, one last time.

The original Mini Clubman was a four, yes f-o-u-r four, door wagon. There was one door on the driver’s side, and the passenger’s side held host to suicide doors that while very cute, were less than practical. So, when the Clubman was given a new generation in 2016, those suicide doors were replaced on both sides by conventional, and crucially normal, rear doors. The good news is, the iconic rear barn doors are still there and god this is a gimmick worth talking about. They’re so cool! What’s not to love? I mean this is, dare I say, the best-looking Mini model. Unlike the four-door Cooper, this car can pull off being large without looking weird, primarily due to its low roofline.

Mini does a really, really good job at playing with pretty basic interior materials and themes. I mean, this is a $40,000 car and I’m not upset about the existence of cloth seats. I get that they’re kind of coming back in a retro-revival style, but the fact that I went “aw” when I saw them means that Mini knows how to make basic look cute and funky. Aside from the seats, everything in the Clubman’s interior is classically Mini. you have plenty of toggle switches, a big round center display screen, and bits of checkered patterning on various different trim pieces. It is once again very cute.

That being said, the one bit of the cabin that isn’t cute is the headroom. Look, I’m 6’2 and while I recognize my height might alienate some people from this observation, the headroom is very limited. Even with my seat down as low as I could go, if I sat straight up, my head was bopping the roof on roadway dips. Blame it on the low roofline, as the Countryman doesn’t have this problem. But in fairness, the Countryman doesn’t have barn doors, so you win some and you lose some.

Mini’s display screen is as good as it is iconic. There aren’t a lot of menus to get lost in, you can have a dual (or tri) function setup to show whatever important features you might want to know, and there are plenty of physical buttons integrated into the system to make analogers (new word I just made up) happy. Plus, and this is my favorite word little thing, when you put the car in “mid” driving mode, the screen says the word “mid” in large lettering which, if you’re as chronically online as I am, is kind of funny.

The digital driver’s screen, or should I say “screens” due to there being three combined into one piece, are a bit of a letdown. They look good, they’re easy to read, and have most of what you’d want to see, but the reconfigurability of them is almost nonexistent. The most you can do is show what media is currently playing. No maps, no design changes, no nothing. I guess if you want to count the dials changing color depending on the drive mode as being “a configuration,” you can, but it’s a low bar really.

For a $40,000 car, the Clubman is reasonably well equipped. It is missing some luxuries like power front seats (at least in this car), and Wireless charging, but for a car going out of production, complaining about it won’t change anything.

What you do get in the Clubman are heated seats, a heated front and rear windshield, Bluetooth, CarPlay, USB-A/USB-C ports, a “dual moonroof,” a handsfree tailgate, adaptive cruise control, an “Active Driving Assistant” that gives you forward collision warning, but no BLIS system.

Also, it is important to note that the spec sheet for this car said it had a heated steering wheel, but I was unable to find one.

The Mini Clubman S (this is the only trim sold in the US aside from the more powerful JCW) is powered by a “TwinPower” 2.0l turbocharged four-banger making 189 hp and 206 lb-ft of torque. This is mated to an 8-speed automatic transmission either driving the front, or all four, wheels like this model here. Because of this, the Clubman can reach 60 in 6.9 seconds according to Mini, or 6.7 seconds in my testing, and will hit v-max at 142 mph.

The Mini Clubman tries really, really hard to feel like a Mini, and in most cases, it does. The car is reasonably fun to drive and does handle very Cooper-esque. That being said, the pure agility of a normal Cooper 3-door is just not there. Don’t get me wrong, this car doesn’t drive poorly, the “ALL4” system is very good at keeping the car planted at high speeds, but the light, breeziness that makes the normal Cooper so much fun to drive is diluted, especially given the added weight and size of this car. That being said, I don’t want you to think this is a bad driving car, because it isn’t, it just misses that extra “oomph” that makes the Cooper so much fun.

Fuel economy for the Clubman S is 25 city, 35 hwy for the front wheel drive model, and 23 city, 32 hwy, for the “ALL4” model. This is fine for a car of its size with all-wheel drive, but do note that this car only takes premium fuel, so no 87.

Regardless of the way it drives, the sheer weirdness of the Clubman will mean that it will be missed a bunch. If you’re into weird stuff, this is your car. If it were me, I’d spring an extra few grand for a JCW model, as you’ll then have the title of owning the quickest Mini on the market. So, to the Clubman and its checkered accents, carpeted door pockets, and rear barn doors: rest in quirkiness.

As always, a huge thank you to Dan from Mini of Annapolis for letting become down and try out the Clubman. They make the hour trek down to Annapolis from Baltimore worth it. If you’re looking for a Clubman before they disappear, they have a bunch. Click the link here to view their inventory.