Zander Drives Cars

A couple of weeks ago, I got to try both Mercedes’ EQS lineup flavors. One SUV, one sedan, one 450, and one 580. I called the EQS 450 SUV “extra” and “gaudy” because it’s large, cumbersome, and hard to ignore. While the same can 100% be said for the regular EQS 580, there is more “go” to back up the “show.” Look at it this way: if the EQS SUV is for a second wife living off her husband’s investment decisions, the EQS sedan is for her husband who realized marrying her was more expensive than he thought, and to get away from it, he needs a luxury car he can enjoy driving.

The reason why the EQS looks the way that it does is to minimize drag. That’s it. That is the whole reason. Executives will lie if they choose, but it’s meant to be the most aerodynamic car on the road. Because of that, it looks like if a Volvo S40 got longer and a bit smoother. It is quite the bean. I don’t think it’s awful, but something like a Lucid Air definitely has more “style” going for it. Like higher-trim S-Classes, the EQS 580 has the option of a dual-color exterior. This 580 does not have that option, but I wanted to talk about it because the dual colors make the car look much better than it does in a solid singular color.

We will get to the hyperscreen in a bit, I promise. Like the EQS SUV from a couple of weeks ago, the interior quality of these EQS cars is pretty unmatched. Every solid surface is covered in smooth leather, pretty wood, or some combination of both. The controls feel weighted and solid, and the general look of the interior is pretty good as well. However, the rear seats are where the EQS starts to lose some points. For starters, the EQS is several inches shorter than a regular S-Class, and while guys might tell you that “size doesn’t matter,” back here it does. Compared to a regular S-Class the legroom is not what it should be. Don’t get me wrong, there is plenty of it, but you just don’t get that same stretching ability. Another mark against the EQS comes from a lack of a four-seater option. In most big luxury cars, you can pay a little extra to have the rear middle seat taken out and replaced with a slab of wood and leather and screens and buttons. In this car, you can’t have that. Granted, there is an optional rear-seat control panel that will do most of what a full seat replacement can do, but for a car touted as being an electric S-Class, it feels like this car has some wasted potential in the rear seat department.

Okay: hyperscreen time. I’m conflicted. On one hand, this is the gimmick of all gimmicks. This puts the BMW Z1’s doors to shame. There is no legitimate reason to have this option. On the other hand: there is some valid extra functionality to it that you can’t find with regular Mercedes COMMAND systems. For starters, the passenger’s screen has a second Bluetooth connection so that whoever is sitting shotgun can listen to their own music, as well as operate controls like their heated or ventilated seats, or heat/ac controls without going to the main screen in the center. Honestly, it’s pretty smart, and it has caught on enough for other brands to start offering similar systems on their high-end cars. That being said, when the screens are off and “flush’ with the rest of the hyperscreen, it looks cheap. The outlines of the screen compared to the empty black void of the hyperscreen is clearly visible with even the slightest amount of sunlight, and it only makes you wonder why Mercedes didn’t spend an extra couple hundred bucks making an actual full screen like in the concepts.

As for the functionality of the main screen itself along with the driver’s display, it is exactly the same as on every other Mercedes model. Great to use, easy to navigate, and infinitely configurable. However, because of the hyperscreens size, the buttons that are placed at the bottom of the regular screen have moved right below the center console which means you will hit the fingerprint sensor every time you put your arm on the armrest and that is very annoying. With the semi-annoying control placements, you also get some nice luxury features such as heated and cooled front seats with a massage feature, heated rear seats, a heated steering wheel, adaptive cruise control, haptic touch buttons, a tri-zone climate system MercedesMe which is also annoying, a Burmester Soundsystem, a 360 surround-view camera system, power moonroof, wireless charging, USB-C and A ports, and finally the standard Bluetooth with CarPlay. And yes, while all of these are great: none of them are better than the spaceship noises. Yes: spaceship noises.

The Mercedes EQS 580 comes with a 107kwh battery that produces 516hp and 631lb-ft of torque that sends its power to an all-wheel-drive system. This results in a 0-60 time of 3.5 seconds in a car that weighs over 5,800lbs. Yes, that isn’t Lucid Sapphire or Model S Plaid numbers, but a lot of people don’t realize how quick 3.5 seconds actually is until you do it. To accompany you to your 60mph journey is the option of different noises to play throughout the cabin. One of which being called “Vivid Flux.” It sounds like an old Jetsons car in real life and I promise you, you will never get bored of it. Along with the noise, the interior lights also move accordingly with the sound. It is very cool and made me giggle loudly.

The title of this piece sums up this car’s drive. It is an S-Class you want to be in the front seat of. For a car that weighs about as much as a Range Rover, this thing has poise. It isn’t a 718 Cayman, but it’ll do turns faster than you expect it to. This thing feels really solid and planted, and for a car that wasn’t built to be a sports car, it is impressive to feel it whilst driving. That being said, the ride quality is not as good as its SUV brother. Don’t get me wrong, this thing is still very smooth, but it has a bit more of an “edge.” As an everyday car, it is leaps and bounds better to drive than something like a Model S. And before you start crying about 0-60 times, 4 seconds is a lot faster than you think it is.

So, here’s the takeaway. If you want to be chauffeured around for the rest of your life, the S450 is most likely the car for you. But if you’re of the belief that luxury cars should be driven hard, this is the better bet for sure.

As always, a huge thank you to Oliver from Mercedes Owings Mills for hooking me up with the whole EQS range. Anyone who lets me interrupt his busy schedule to drive these things is good in my book. He, along with the dealership, are great people. Click here to view their 2023 inventory.