Zander Drives Cars

As time moves on, you grow. I, for instance, have just turned 18. I know, it’s time for me to buy some scratch-offs and do some questionable things on camera. However, my 18th birthday marks something else, the one-year ownership of my first car, Mans. Mans is the name of my 2018 Volvo S60 T5 Dynamic, and that will be the last time I say his full name. I’m going to flip-flop between calling it either “The Volvo” or “The S60.” You’ve been warned.

The Mans saga started in about March of last year. I had seriously started looking into cars, specifically, P3 generation Volvo V/S60 models. Most of the cars for sale near me were either at sketchy dealerships, were beat up, or were about five grand over what my dad was willing to pay. Happily, however, I stumbled upon a gem. About 10 miles from me, lay a Volvo dealership with a newly traded, silver S60. I called, went to take a look at it, and instantly knew that I wasn’t letting this car getaway. Fast forward about a month, and after some negotiation regarding repairing the bumpers and curb-rash, Mans was in my possession. Finally, the car guy had a car, and now he will talk about that car. Ladies and gentlemen, the superb Volvo S60.

Released in 2012, the second generation Volvo S60 was a compact “executive car” meant to rival the likes of the BMW 3 Series, Audi A4, and NOT the Mercedes C-Class. Get the C-Class out of your head. These are not rivals. It’s closer to an A4, having roughly the same dimensions, four-cylinder engines, and optional all-wheel-drive systems. The S60 came out at a time of Volvo’s restructuring. They had recently been let go by Ford, and with that, they left some of their baggage behind. Cars like the C30 and the C70 soon were discontinued, and the S60 and S80 along with the XC60 were all given facelifts to match the likes of the Volvo V40 overseas. Visually, the car is sharp. It has a nice large grille and some flowing lines that give it the look of a lima bean. Sure, you can criticize the S60 for a possible lack of style, but that is part of this car’s charm. It isn’t ostentatious.

My particular S60 was equipped with many different optional extras including a heated windshield, heated steering wheel, R-Design-inspired leather seats, a million airbags, optional Wi-Fi connectivity, and more. In the winter, this car is better than anything else on the road. Do you know what Sweden is? Cold, very cold. This results in the S60 having the best-heated seats I’ve ever felt. These things are nuclear. These seats go from 0 to 100 faster than a G.I Jane joke. Speaking of the seats, they’re nice. Firmer than an Audi, but softer than a BMW. This means that road trips are comfortable, and don’t result in butt bruising. The infotainment system is rather old, being the same system that was implemented in the 2012 model with little revision, meaning that the rotary nobs on the center console are a bit difficult to control, but it’s easy to find Bluetooth, and that’s all I care about.

The backseats are spacious. That’s all I’ll say.

The S60 drives angry. The turbo four-cylinder under the food makes 240hp and 250lb of torque delivered to a 8-speed automatic driving the front wheels. This is not the Polestar. Mashing your foot down is like telling your parents you’re ordering something you’ve never eaten before at a nice restaurant. There’s a second of pause and “are you sure?” before the computers in the engine go “okay, fine” and you start accelerating. This leads to some mildly amusing moments where you can quickly mash your foot down and take it off the accelerator, and have the car rev to 6,000rpm while still going 33mph. However, when putting it into sport mode, this thing moves. I don’t think I can legally say how fast I’ve been in this car, but it can keep with a Porsche Panamera that wasn’t as enthusiastic as I was. Traction control gets in the way of any serious danger, but that’s to be expected of a car whose rear windows don’t go all the way down for safety purposes. In tight bend, the S60 feels composed and flat. It can easily turn into a tight corner at 15 above the limit with no issue and hold for as long as you want. For a front-wheel-drive sedan, it offers a great drive.

That being said, not everything is roses and ponies. The S60 does have its flaws. The aforementioned infotainment screen is small and mildly difficult to control, the fuel tank could be larger, the side mirrors don’t retract into the car, stuff will fly out of the floating dashboard when you turn quickly, and there isn’t a place to put your sunglasses. Aside from those minor issues, this car doesn’t have any major flaws. It’s a nice, fun car for someone who is really into Volvos, and a comfortable cruiser for business people who weave through traffic on the New Jersey Turnpike. Like most Volvos, reliability and safety are strong suits. Since owning this car, nothing has fallen off, shattered, exploded, caught fire, or melted, all be it some minor scratches made by yours truly. Sorry, I forgot to go into safety specifics. This car has 50,000 airbags, 400 warning systems, and enough reinforcement to slam into the Stockholm Globe arena at 140 without resulting in any damage to you or the car. It’s safe. It’s a Volvo.

Most importantly, however, the S60 doesn’t make you look spoiled. In a private school parking lot, seeing row after row of black 3 Series and beige Audi A4s makes you feel like you’re in a place where you’re not good enough. A place where children will make fun of you because they feel they’re entitled to. A place where the measure of success is the badge on the front of your car. My S60 has the same amount of interior space, the same amount of horsepower, some top speed, the same interior quality, and the same purpose as the typic sweet 16 gifts of a Bimmer, but without the notion that you think you’re above other people. This car is inconspicuous. Sure, saying you drive a grey Volvo might not get a girl’s attention, but if you’re trying to get women’s attention by announcing your car, you shouldn’t own one of these. The Volvo S60 is a car for those who don’t try and be better than others, it’s a car for those who want to stand out, while also blending in, if that makes sense. It hides in plain sight but doesn’t attempt to show off. It just wants to get you home and warm your butt in the morning, and for me, I couldn’t love it more.